Going through university as an unmotivated and sleepy teenager didn't give me the best start in my career. Initial poor attempts at the likes of Java and C# left me bewildered and saddened. That, and as one of the two woman in a class of a hundred at my university, I felt disappointed that I couldn't of made my side look a bit better.
I was able to at least able to recover from this defeat and go into software testing which for the past 7 years I have made blossom into an interesting and challenging career path.
Then, 2 - 3 Years ago I started learning about automated testing. This brings you naturally closer to development, and even closer when finally looking at TDD/BDD (Test Driven or Behaviour Driven Development).
It starts with a seed of an idea. What if I could do this? How I would I do this differently? I never really had this train of thought before, it was exciting, it felt like cobwebs were blown away allowing enthusiasm to take their place. I wanted to create.
Having learnt Cucumber as way of implementing BDD, I was introduced into the loving folds of the active and willing to teach Ruby community. There is a lot to learn and luckily even being far away from physical communities of code minded citizens, the internet provided a plethora of tutorials and documentation.
I have had occasions though, you have an idea, it would be silly if it can't be done, but can you find that solution? I have a lot of good moments, the sheer awesomeness of achieving something is always welcome, but sometimes learning alone means the heavy periods of doubt and feeling incredibly stupid can be overwhelming and crushing.
An opportunity came though, where I could learn with other likeminded people, and I jumped. This is where I have been for the past three months, currently understanding more advanced concepts than I have ever considered. However, I had huge doubts starting on whether I could do this. I still do.
Learning to code has literally been an up and down journey for me (a friend described it accurately as a sine wave). I go through times of speeding along finally to reach a peak only to go crashing down realising how little I actually I know.
This brings me to my current realisation that only by realising my lack of knowledge (which most certainly doesn't indicate a lack of intelligence!) only leads me onto new ways, new ideas which only motivate me to do better.